Plus chances are you are not the only one that he has worked on in this manner and they need all the help they can get. You are NOT being "too sensitive" your mind is telling you something is wrong, because it is. Ilene S. Cohen, Ph.D., is a psychotherapist and blogger, who teaches in the Department of Counseling at Barry University. You say this is not sexual but it sounds very suspicious to me. Its made me feel like I'm paranoid. I hope you can find a safe way out and can get help. Give yourself a pep talk and make sure you have a good friend on-call that can lift your spirits if the fam brings you down. Even if your father means well, is/was not abusive, and is probably not to blame for emotionally neglecting you, the effects of the neglect on you are still powerful and important, and it is vital that you take them seriously. It makes me anxious and I blame myself even if I'm not guilty of anything.". Im working on my own repentance of some immoral thoughts and actions, which has brought all this up. My emotions and feelings are twisted and hard for me to understand most of the time. Jacquelyn M. I have a hard time understanding emotions and intimacy in men. If you feel uncomfortable then that is already reason enough! My father-in-law told me in the past he has had a pornography problem, but I don't know the extent. Hes been a member of the church his whole life, but he seems unhappy. I am so sorry you are experiencing this right now. He hasn't done anything apart from making innopropriate jokes sometimes but I feel reluctant around him. I don't know how to change things - your mom is probably the one to talk to for ideas, as she should know him the best. Do you get uncomfortable when others get agitated? 909 opinions shared on Family & Friends topic. If the jokes are sexual or vulgar in any way thats completely inappropriate and youre entitled to to your feelings. If it makes you feel uncomfortable and make you want to throw up then he should stop. Its all a question of whether your father was able to respond to the emotional part of your relationship, and your emotions as his child,enough. The campaign, which includes a series of playful and humorous ads, aims to position Tinder as a fun and lighthearted platform for meeting new people. Her work spans various health-related topics, including mental health, fitness, nutrition, and wellness. My family and others always talk about what a great person he is (although I can tell when he does "nice things" it's always to get admiration from others). I find this disturbing. We do live together, but currently I see him rarely as he lives in the US at this moment for his job. Read now. I know you probably dont want to pay off a lot of loans, but its much better to completely cut off contact with your father and get away to protect yourself and get some mental help to process through this. Trust yourself on this. What do I do now? I understand. If it's not enough, practice a coping skill like deep breathing, or talk yourself down from the situation by telling yourself, They dont mean to be annoying, or, Things will calm down once I get settled.. If your father is toxic and still in your life, a therapist can also help you learn how to deal with them while still protecting your mental health. To choose your username either log in or sign up. She could never relate to me or talk to me. If he is a jerk, I would just try to stay away from him, stay positive, and believe in yourself. Many incidents throughout the years like this have happened. U feel bad to talk about your own father this way. Hes been a member of the church his whole life, but he seems unhappy. Typically, there is a fallacy to this type of thinking as these partners rarely change. He had strange rules and payed attention to the weirdest details. I'm not really sure why I'm posting this, I just wanted to see what other people thought or if they feel the same way I guess. Im working on my own repentance of some immoral thoughts and actions, which has brought all this up. Started Monday at 06:41 PM, By For the official Church websites, please visit churchofjesuschrist.org or comeuntochrist.org. He had schizophrenia so he couldnt be much of a parent. Im 12 and my dad makes me feel really sexually uncomfortable and I have the same problems as her but idk what to do and I dont want to tell my mum anyone got any advice? Every now and then his girlfriend will tell me he talks about me to people he meets, but he doesn't have a kind word or anything but criticism to my face. I have always felt extremely uncomfortable around my dad. Therapy can be a great tool to not only recognize and identify this influence, but also interrupt the maladaptive patterns that are extensions from this primary relationship. OP, if this were ANYone else, would you put up with it?? what do I do? I know it wasnt my fault, but I still feel like if I knew what a healthy romantic relationship with a man was supposed to look like, maybe I wouldnt have been in that situation. Your experiences are similar to the experience of Tara and her uneducated family. I feel uncomfortable around my dad too, but not because he has ever wronged me, but because we are different people and never have seen eye to eye as such. 2 years ago I can do relate to this Reply Appreciate this comment The worst of it is, nobody would ever believe me because he never behaved this way with my other two sisters, and he is well liked by everyone. He just stops talking to me whenever he feels like I should be punished but the thing is that I haven't done anything wrong. React. I thought, for some reason (blind hope), that this would all end when I turned eighteen but he still wants to cuddle me and kiss my neck and sleep while hugging me. If you dont want to lose touch with family and are simply trying to escape tension, its important that you let them know you still love them, but need to take time for yourself. In fact, it will probably only make the situation worse if you retaliate. When parents act in unpredictable ways or abuse their children, their children grow up to have difficulty understanding their emotions and the feelings of others. These reasons are listed below. This is not normal. Once you can separate fantasy from reality, you free yourself from perpetual disappointment and can live a more stable and consistent life without the ups and downs of intermittently viewing him through the lens of fantasy and reality. My husband is starting to feel uncomfortable with him around her too. prettybarbie I have always felt uncomfortable around my dad. I honestly don't know why because he's never done anything awful to me really but maybe there's a reason I'm not seeing? I hate looking him in the eyes and I don't know why. I will blame myself for every feeling people around me experience. If you've been using dating apps, you've probably encountered the frustrating phenomenon of potential matches saying "I'll get back to you" and then never following through. A good place to start is by taking a few deep breaths, trying to reduce your anxiety around the stressful situation by bringing in your rational mind. 4 Reply _throwawayacc_1 3 yr. ago By paying attention to your body, mind, and emotions when youre interacting with your family, you become capable of balancing your co-occurring needs for togetherness and individuality. If you think your father is well-meaning but lacks emotion skills, tryto improve your emotional connection with him. To this day, Ill keep feeling abandonment or being ignored tucked away into a nice little drawer. Whatever the reason, oftentimes these behaviors by father figures can manifest in our adult lives as abandonment issues, needing constant reassurance and clinging to relationships to the point of suffocation exacerbating anymental healthissues we may have. Get a job, move out from home, start building your own freedom. Jealousy might also sink in if your sibling or cousin is doing better than you in the eyes of your extended family. Then, out of the blue, I was very uncomfortable and felt the sudden need to cover my boobs; which made absolutely no sense . My father has always been like that (minus the paranoia). Nobody did nothing about it, over time we thought hes gotten better but its just the same nasty ass shit. The content produced by YourTango is for informational and educational purposes only. i have the same thing happening. Every time he tries to give me a kiss I try to kiss him on his cheek but he makes me kiss his lips and sometimes he tries to do more than that. I've developed such deep trust issues because of him. habits that stem from emotional wounds of your childhood, What to Know About Difficult Emotions and How to Deal With Them, 19 Ways Childhood Emotional Abuse Affects Your Mental Health as an Adult, What Healing From Trauma Actually Looks Like. He helped me get the info(whatsapp, facebook, text messages, call logs etc) I needed faster and cheaper than I had imagined. But.. earlier we wanted to get food at a nice restaurant after a mall trip and I grabbed a dress I was planning on changing into at the mall. Wtf. I am overly available for my friends but I will never be the same for myself. Marii K. I need constant reassurance that my partner actually loves me. Did he actually love me? While youre fighting off stomach cramps when deciding what to wear, try to figure out wherethe anxiety is stemming from. Since the start of our relationship, as bf/gf, he would always tag me along on his family occasions and bring me to his hometown. I have caught him checking me out (backside, chest) several times. Its free. If you are a victim of child abuse or know someone who might be, call or text the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-422-4453 to speak with a professional crisis counselor. Ultimately, they may struggle to connect with others, avoid intimacy, or be highly anxious in relationships. When children witness the suffering of their mother at the hands of their father, it damages their relationship with him and pulls them into a parent-like role where they adopt an incongruous amount of responsibility to protect the vulnerable adults in their world. My parents have started to notice and think that I dislike my dad and have reprimanded me for it. Perhaps the people empaths find most difficult to deal with are egotistical types. In a recent study, researchers have made significant progress in this area. I've never considered domestic shelters but I'll start researching. I'm so tired of this, but I still need him to help fund college. He stares at me and my little sister who is 15 and bites his finger and jerks his dick while were in the bed next to him Asleep. My dad used to talk about mine and my sisters tits when we were growing up. If youre too agitated, just say youll talk about it later. It can also lead to arguments and fights between you and your father, as well as tension and conflict with other family members. Obedient yet resentful or disobedient and not resentful. You love your Dad, but if he is guilty of the things you think he is then that love should compel you to stop him. [They] tell me everything [and] listen well. I'm only thirteen and I told my mother about my father but she thought that I was just being sensitive. So I need some advice. Theyre spoiled rotten to the core, but theyre also super close to me. You are not being bad by voicing your fears. Listen to this wellbeing playlist on Spotify today. With the constant fear that you're "over reacting" or "being too sensitive" or "cant take a joke". Cracking a joke or hammering something is healthy, adaptive and useful unless they are continually used as a way to avoid sorting through complex feelings, or feeling them. I needed my daddy and so I searched for him in other people growing up and often get stuck in unrequited love with people I cant actually have its a mess. Self-medicated with drugs and alcohol. You are sensing that something is wrong with your father-in-law's boundaries around your daughter and that can be reason enough to do something different. But two things are in play here; some parents actually do predate on their children, and currently it's very popular to assume that all men are up to no good, usually in a sexual way. 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